Single, but not for long…
Dear Diary,
I am afraid. I finally met someone I am excited about, but I am terrified. I am filled with tremendous doubts and fears.
Overcome by What-Ifs
What if it won’t work out (again)? What if he finds out how broken I really am and runs away? What if his kids don’t like me? The what-ifs are so overwhelming that I can’t sleep.
Trying to Keep Insecurities in Check
I don’t want to be that person anymore. The one that tries to please others, the one that tries “too hard” or wants “too much.” I know intellectually that I am worthy, and it is time to move on; but my insecurities are taking over.
I hold on to his attention as if I will never see him again. He tells me he is very excited by me and is really looking forward to the possibility of a future together –so why am I feeling so scared?
Don’t Need to Repeat the Past
Sometimes he says things that remind me of the past. It can be a casual remark or the way he touches me, and immediately I go back to feeling unlovable or super needy.
I just can’t seem to separate the past from the present. I am afraid I will sabotage something really good because of my fears.
I think I need help.
Joanna
Meeting Your Best Friend for a Beer…
“Hey, Man, what’s going on with you?” says your best friend, Jack.
“I’m just kind of missing Joanna… I know it wasn’t a healthy relationship, but we had good times.”
Jack says, “Well, you know there’re more fish in the sea. That’ll help you get over her and move on.”
“The issue is I don’t WANT anyone else. Yet, I know she didn’t check all the boxes for a life partner.”
Beginning a New, Sound Relationship
Starting a new relationship or ending an old one can be a very difficult time in someone’s life.
Transitions are never easy but can be traumatic if they trigger old pain and hurt from prior relationships.
It is easy to tell yourself why not or find faults in everyone you meet. You have told yourself many lies before: “It isn’t the right time,” or “I seem to attract the wrong people,” but even you don’t believe your own excuses anymore.
Lately, you have come to recognize that the very thing you are craving and want the most seems to terrify you, so you end up pushing everyone away.
Deep inside, you are worried that you are going to be alone.
Avoid Repeating History
It can be helpful before you enter into a new relationship to be able to understand what happened to the old one. You can identify what you learned about yourself in the process and address any unresolved pain and hurts, so you will not act them out in the new relationship.
Therapy can be a wonderful time to slow down to allow you to identify, work through, and transform your fears and pain into the love relationship you so desperately need and deserve. While we all carry our own “baggage,” it is important to have the insight to recognize “this is my baggage” and this is yours to avoid history repeating itself, so you can finally “leave home.”
The therapeutic relationship will allow you to clarify why you are stuck and find the steps you can take to move forward.
Let’s start preparing you for a love relationship.
It would be my honor to guide you through your journey. Please complete the contact form below and let’s get started.
*Names changed to protect client confidentiality.
